Thanks Aretha, for a great tune!

... though I believe it's origin is from the Marvin Gaye repertoire



Like the sweet morning dew
I took one look at you
And it was plain to see you were my destiny
With my arms open wide I threw away my pride
I sacrificed for you, dedicate my life to you
I will go where you lead, Ill be right there in a time of need
And when I lose my will, you'll be right there to push me up that hill

Like an eagle protects his nest, for you Ill do my best
Stand by you like a tree and damn anybody that try an move me
Darling in you I found, straight for I was torn down
I don't know whats in store, but together we can open any door
Just to do whats good for you, Ill inspire you a little bit higher
I know you can make a good man
Out of a soul that didn't have a goal (or 2lbs)

Slacking!

okokokok, I know I forget to keep on top of stuff sometimes, but really I have lost and found my connection to the internet...yes lost, but the important part is FOUND (my precious stupid verizon card. arg.) In the words of Mary Ellen Edmunds 'Relax luxury, you'll soon be a neccesity.'

Here's the story: Last thursday I was in Reno visiting little Evan Miles. Amooh was kind enough to come visit Evan Miles, too(pix to follow). It was trying to get back to SoCal. First while I was walking, my train tix fell out of my pocket. DAMN! oh well, I just get them reprinted right? WRONG! if you loose your Amtrack tix, You have to buy new ones and get them to do a search that takes 5-6 months and costs $75 (they take it out of your refund). Well as a last ditch effort I retraced my steps from the hospitle to the train station which took me through CircusCircus and guess what I found at the security booth...not a security guard, but I did find my train tix. Cool Now I have to get to Sacramento from Reno by 630am for the train to LA. Ez...take the greyhound.

As I was getting in line a tiny old woman aproached me (I had set an example to some lookyloo teenagers 3 mins earlier by holding the door for this woman who was using a walker). She asked me if there was a phone in the bus station to call a cab. There was a pay phone, but I just got out my cell and called the cab--because I was feeling like I could do a good deed because I didn't have to get new train tix. While on the phone an enormous man sporting biker gang gear got in line infront of me. I didn't think anything of it because I hadn't really gotten in line yet as I was on the phone with the Cab people. No big deal? they over sold the bus so biker dude, one person in front of me, was the last to be allowed to board. No good deed goes unpunished.

After an hour on the phone, I discovered that they'll give you cash for Amtrak train tix up to a year after you purchace them (minus %10) if you dont use them. There's a lesson here about the value of printed paper. weird. Amooh Very, VERY generously fronted me plane tix to get home in time to play rocking music, and I stayed up the rest of the night with little Evan Miles in my arms. better than candy. When I finally got to the OC (layover in SLC, UT?), it did take me three hours to get 25 miles because I took the wrong public transit bus out of the airport. poetic, but arg.

I thought I was doing a great job of not getting all stressed out about having so many travel hang ups, but the following day (saturday) I ended up in the hospitle with hypertension. YIKEZ.

Who knows why things happen sometiomes, but this last week, I have profoundly been feeling the all the positive energy and prayers in my heart and the shoulders on which I am standing under my feet. I love you all very much! Thank you for being there for me.

Chubby Cheeks

Moving Along

For the last couple of weeks I have been feeling like Evan is suspended in his size, his breathing habits, and his state of existing tethered to his machines fixed in the NICU. A few things are contributing to the breaking up of this insufferable feeling of suspension. Evan is up to 3lbs and 6oz today. That seems and feels like so close to double his birth weight-YAY!. For weeks, he has been on 4ltrs of oxygen with seeming hoplessness that he'll ever make the jump to 3 ltrs. They have been trying unsuccessfully since he stopped using the tube down the throat method. He has been on 3ltrs of oxygen for about 36 hours now at about %23-that's about room air percentage (as I understand it). Next Thursday, Evan will be 34 weeks adjusted gestational age. The NICU staff plans to start him feeding from a bottle nipple, and move him out of his incubator into an open crib.

I used to tell myself that evan was gonna come home someday, but after 50 days since he was born, my heart is starting to feel like he the answer to the question "is Evan Miles ever going to come home?" is a releiving and resounding YES.

Early Morning Adventuring

I'm at Denny's in Downtown Sacramento right this second. It's 415am, and I have been fighting flu like symptoms since 630a (yeah, when i got up like 22 hours ago). Seeing the middle of the week party crew come through here was entertaining to say the least, and the waitresses have been saintly for putting up with a bunch of drunken hooligans. One of those hooligans left $100 tip on a slice of pie ala mode. I wonder if that was an accident or not. I guess I'll never know, but the waitresses were sure happy about it.

I didn't get to hold Evan Miles today, but I sat with him for a little while. Monty and Gina were nice enough to get Evan some outfits. My favorite are the sox that I'm affectionately referring to as his 'thigh highs', you know the cute kind that are for an 6-8 pounder.

As tired and as sick as I am, I can't help but be excited about my next trip. That's starting to look like the 2nd week in Aug. Who's in for an adventure?

Everyone should know what you get when you cross a brown chicken with a brown cow...If you don't, you need to call somebody ASAP!!

Soul Rebel

After Evan Miles was born, it felt like the whole world had been turned 90 degrees from what I considered regular. It has taken a little while for me to make sense of things enough to go back about living. Really I'm still working on it. A surprisingly difficult part was the music. Possibly because my mind and body had been operating under emergency/shock/adrenaline powers, it was nearly impossible to play any musical ideas that I thought were creative. Two things helped in getting back in the groove.

1) Thinking about what I was gonna tell Evan when he's 15 about being dedicated. I hope that by that time, Evan will be looking toward the future in his own life and deciding what he wants his life to be about. It's up to me to set the example by continuing to work hard to play music consistent with the drive I had before I knew Evan was on the way.

2) Playing a whole lot of soul music!! Getting in the studio an cutting the Soul Rebel Alliance demo was key. My soul brothers really helped me out by letting me stand on their shoulders....the whole while singing inspirational songs of love and positivity. Thanks boys! Now I'm playing for two of us.

SHHHH......SHHH...shhh....

Today I was walking home from work, when a silence fell all around me (mostley because there was a little lull in the afternoon traffic). Suddenly, and only for a split second, I was filled with a detailed image of being in Evan's NICU, specifically how quiet it seems and how peacefull yet vibrant the emotions are when I stand next to his bed. It was like being transported to Reno from San Marcos and back in the blink of an eye....it felt so real I could almost smell it. Then the traffic started again. The moral of the story is that the SHHH made me realize it was possible to be so close to someone so far away.

Here are the pix from Evan Miles' first bath.




buddah belly





Click this pic to see how soft he looks


GoodNight Evan--

1month, 1day, 12hrs, 21mins right NOW....

What will these eyes see? The average life expactancy in the US is 75-80. Evans Great Grandpa Hersch, who is 90, has talked about seeing the Space Shuttle in the same lifetime as when folks method of transportation was the horse and buggy. Five years ago, the life expactancy for babys born 15 weeks early was not an age, but a percentage...%50 to be more precise(today its more like %85-%90 especially after the first two weeks). I hope Evan Miles, and his cousins will talk often about Grandpa Hersch, and it will be interesting to see what happens to life expactancy numbers over the next 75-80 years.







Evan has come a long way in the last month




He might grow up to be a dancer




Peacefull frankenvader baby (this one makes my eyeballs sweat)

Corny, I know....

When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)

Being a daddy has opened a whole new set of emotions in me that I never knew I had. One of those emotions (particularly since Evan Miles is 550 miles away) is longing. I would REALLY haved liked to spend the day with my son, even if it was in the NICU. I feel I need to take advantage of the opportunities now while he still young so that when he's ages 9-17 and way too cool for family, I will have (hopefully) given Evan the tools for good decision making.

Your daddy expierenced your heart at the tip of of his finger and listened. He contempleated the vastness of an atom and the small size the of the universe. All in all, your daddy knows he never questions his love for his son.

Pn Adventure Hall of Fame

This short one was when we were on the way back to Henderson from Reno. Maissie needed relief after we had been stopped for a while in a construction zone. The flag person was nice enough (or mean enough) to let her use the port-a-potty they had on site. As Maissie was finishing, the traffic started to move....hurryhurryhurry!! qualifies for the newly established pn adventure hall of fame.

OK. Dad Pn HallofFame story. When we went to New England in 1989, Dad was speeding like mad on some toll road to get to a rest room and came over the hill to find a highway patrol station. We didn't get a ticket, but it didn't help anybody's bladder jejeje







This is my new favorite movie.

I am so incredibly grateful for Evan Miles

If they turned off the machines, I think little Evan would last about five minutes. I am so incredibly grateful that Evan wasn't born in a less developed part of the world....or 5 years ago when his chances for survival were 50/50. Hearing stories about not that long ago when they took the babys straight to the morgue when they were born before their lungs were fully developed makes me feel grateful. I'm happy Evan is where he is afforded such intensive care. I am so incredibly grateful.

I work with Anthony whose mother was 1lb at birth in the 50's. I am so incredibly grateful.

Kent, A friend from San Clemente, thinks Evan is up to something that can't be waited for. That remains to be seen, but he has already had an impact on the lives of others, and become a support system for those who really need it, just by being a fighter. I am so incredibly grateful.


Keep Fighting Evan Miles! The whole world is rooting for YOU!

Thanks for sharing these photos.

Right NOW adventuring!!

Right Now Adventuring is finding something every second of everyday in every situation, to be excited about. Some times its easier than others, and the more cognizant practice you have, the better the practice fits.

I've started this blog as a substitute for journaling and for keeping track of my experiences and ideas. Suddenly, the importance of where I'm headed weighs more than myself.....everybody, join me in giving Evan Miles a warm welcome to planet Earth!!